How a psychologist got her groove back........

By Madeline Sibbing, Educational & Developmental Psychologist

Before you worry that you’ve stumbled across the wrong kind of article, let me assure you that no. This is not THAT kind of article (sorry to disappoint anyone!).

This is about mums, dads, parents of all kinds and the all-too-common experience of losing ourselves. Of that treadmill of work, kids’ activities, dinner, grocery shopping, kids’ needs, school P&F, housework, and on and on it goes. And how, often without realising it, we can start to lose ourselves. Our individuality. Our joy. The things that make us unique. And FUN!

So when I moved to a new suburb, I decided it was time to do something more than send sarcastic memes to my friends about self-care ("they said to fill my own cup, so I filled it with Pinot and hid in the pantry"). I decided to try something new.

Dancing. In the dark. For yourself.

As someone who has always done some form of dance and loved it, this flyer I stumbled across caught my interest. The inevitable questions entered my mind:

Do I have time for this?

What if I look like a dufus?

Will anyone talk to me?

What if I pull a hammy and end up at the osteo the next day?

How dark will it be? Will I be able to see anything? Will I trip over someone and injure us both?

(Ah yes, the classic downward thought spiral).

While I could have allowed these doubts to stop me, I decided to take my own advice and do as I tell my clients: “when something isn’t working we have to try something different”.

If my crazy-busy life was leaving me stressed, tired and feeling like I'd somehow become the administrator of everyone else's life, then something needed to change.

Wanna know what happened?

It felt weird at first – I was self-conscious (even though nobody could see me!). But as the music got louder I started to lose myself in it…..forgot about everyone around me and just got into the groove.

Nearly two years later, I have absolutely FOUND. MY. TRIBE.

Every week I go, get funky and have the time of my life. It has become an essential part of my self-care. When I’ve had a terrible day or I’m exhausted I sometimes go reluctantly, only to come out on an absolute high. The people there are some of the most warm, inclusive and supportive folks I’ve had the joy of meeting.

And even better? They’re always up for something new and fun, involving dance and usually some form of crazy outfit.

As a psychologist, I couldn't help but wonder why this one seemingly small decision had made such a difference. It turns out the research has quite a bit to say about it.  Trying new things is incredibly positive for wellbeing, identity and mental health. Let’s break it down:

1. Neuroscience says it's so

New experiences activate our brain’s reward system, increasing dopamine which is associated with motivation, learning and positive mood. And people who regularly try new things have been found to report greater life satisfaction, positive emotions, motivation and energy!

2.        It helps us to reconnect with who we are

Developmental psychologists have found that many adults in their 30s and 40s begin questioning who they are outside of their roles as parents, caregivers and workers. Engaging in new experiences can rebuild a sense of self beyond their caregiving roles.

3.        It builds confidence

Yep! It’s usually hard at first, but learning new skills or challenging oneself builds self-efficacy…which is the belief that “I can do hard things”. Higher self-efficacy is linked to better mental health, lower anxiety, greater resilience and life satisfaction. Who wouldn’t want those?!

4.        Plus the rest...

You might make new friends like I did! (And we know building social connections is one of the strongest predictors of wellbeing).  You might find your mind is opened even further and it sets off a chain reaction of willingness to step outside your comfort zone. OR you might simply find some peace doing something FOR YOU, rather than for other people all day long.

What surprised me most wasn't that I found a new hobby. It was that I found parts of myself I'd forgotten were there. The confidence to be new and inexperienced. The joy of doing something simply because I loved it. The friendships that come from sharing an interest with people who know you as more than someone's mum.

The research tells us that novelty, connection, growth and purpose are powerful ingredients for wellbeing. But sometimes the evidence becomes personal. Sometimes trying one new thing doesn't just help you get your groove back—it helps you remember who you are.